Lazarus: New Life (A midrash)

 

The first thing I noticed was the change in the silence.  From the absolute silence of death, suddenly I could sense silence waiting—for what?  Had I missed something?

 Then I noticed that I was breathing again, and I could feel my heart beating, blood flowing, my arms and legs tingling as life returned.

 "Lazarus, come out of there!”

It was Jesus, and he sounded just a little impatient, as if that wasn’t the first time he had called.  I couldn’t see anything, but I could follow the sound of his voice.

Suddenly, the rock sealing the mouth of the cave shifted a bit, and light seeped in.  If my eyes hadn’t been wrapped, the change from utter darkness would have been painful.  But all of me was wound round with linen strips and I could smell the spices in their folds as I began slowly, stiffly, to sit up, then stretched, and put my feet to the ground.

Then I realized:  I was alive!  But I had died—the last thing I remembered was Mary weeping as we realized that Jesus would not come in time to save me.  When Martha told us she had sent a messenger to Jesus with the news, we thought surely he would come in time to lay his hands on me, as he had done for so many strangers, to take away their illness and send them on their way to a new start in life.

Surely, the man around whom our lives (Martha's, Mary's, and mine) had centered since first we met him, whom we all loved so, and who loved us and had become such a part of our household, surely the news “Lazarus is dying, please come” would have brought him to do what all the doctors could not, and heal all that was wrong with me.

But now, he was waiting for me, along with Mary, Martha and the neighbors I could hear wailing as the opening slowly widened under the muscles of the men shifting the rock from the exit of the tomb.

Oh Lord!  Now that I realize I’m alive again, and you are waiting for me to rejoin life outside the tomb, can I take a few minutes to think about this?  It was actually very restful to let go once I knew I was really dying, to know that I could not do any more to comfort Mary, or placate Martha, or even wait for you one more moment.  Coming back to life is not something I’m prepared for.  Mary will weep, Martha will scold and laugh, and how will the neighbors react to my coming back to life?  They have their doubts about you anyway, you know, Jesus, and raising me from the dead is going to be hard for all of us to come to terms with.

 But I know you are waiting for me, and the gap between the stone and the cave entrance is almost large enough for me to walk out into the sunshine and learn to live again.

John 11:1-44 

11 ^1-3 A man was sick, Lazarus of Bethany, the town of Mary and her sister Martha. This was the same Mary who massaged the Lord’s feet with aromatic oils and then wiped them with her hair. It was her brother Lazarus who was sick. So the sisters sent word to Jesus, “Master, the one you love so very much is sick.”

⁴ When Jesus got the message, he said, “This sickness is not fatal. It will become an occasion to show God’s glory by glorifying God’s Son.”

^5-7 Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus, but oddly, when he heard that Lazarus was sick, he stayed on where he was for two more days. After the two days, he said to his disciples, “Let’s go back to Judea.”

⁸ They said, “Rabbi, you can’t do that. The Jews are out to kill you, and you’re going back?”

^9-10 Jesus replied, “Are there not twelve hours of daylight? Anyone who walks in daylight doesn’t stumble because there’s plenty of light from the sun. Walking at night, he might very well stumble because he can’t see where he’s going.”

¹¹ He said these things, and then announced, “Our friend Lazarus has fallen asleep. I’m going to wake him up.”

^12-13 The disciples said, “Master, if he’s gone to sleep, he’ll get a good rest and wake up feeling fine.” Jesus was talking about death, while his disciples thought he was talking about taking a nap.

^14-15 Then Jesus became explicit: “Lazarus died. And I am glad for your sakes that I wasn’t there. You’re about to be given new grounds for believing. Now let’s go to him.”

¹⁶ That’s when Thomas, the one called the Twin, said to his companions, “Come along. We might as well die with him.”

^17-20 When Jesus finally got there, he found Lazarus already four days dead. Bethany was near Jerusalem, only a couple of miles away, and many of the Jews were visiting Martha and Mary, sympathizing with them over their brother. Martha heard Jesus was coming and went out to meet him. Mary remained in the house.

^21-22 Martha said, “Master, if you’d been here, my brother wouldn’t have died. Even now, I know that whatever you ask God he will give you.”

²³ Jesus said, “Your brother will be raised up.”

²⁴ Martha replied, “I know that he will be raised up in the resurrection at the end of time.”

^25-26 “You don’t have to wait for the End. I am, right now, Resurrection and Life. The one who believes in me, even though he or she dies, will live. And everyone who lives believing in me does not ultimately die at all. Do you believe this?”

²⁷ “Yes, Master. All along I have believed that you are the Messiah, the Son of God who comes into the world.”

²⁸ After saying this, she went to her sister Mary and whispered in her ear, “The Teacher is here and is asking for you.”

^29-32 The moment she heard that, she jumped up and ran out to him. Jesus had not yet entered the town but was still at the place where Martha had met him. When her sympathizing Jewish friends saw Mary run off, they followed her, thinking she was on her way to the tomb to weep there. Mary came to where Jesus was waiting and fell at his feet, saying, “Master, if only you had been here, my brother would not have died.”

^33-34 When Jesus saw her sobbing and the Jews with her sobbing, a deep anger welled up within him. He said, “Where did you put him?”

^34-35 “Master, come and see,” they said. Now Jesus wept.

³⁶ The Jews said, “Look how deeply he loved him.”

³⁷ Others among them said, “Well, if he loved him so much, why didn’t he do something to keep him from dying? After all, he opened the eyes of a blind man.”

^38-39 Then Jesus, the anger again welling up within him, arrived at the tomb. It was a simple cave in the hillside with a slab of stone laid against it. Jesus said, “Remove the stone.”

The sister of the dead man, Martha, said, “Master, by this time there’s a stench. He’s been dead four days!”

⁴⁰ Jesus looked her in the eye. “Didn’t I tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?”

^41-42 Then, to the others, “Go ahead, take away the stone.”

They removed the stone. Jesus raised his eyes to heaven and prayed, “Father, I’m grateful that you have listened to me. I know you always do listen, but on account of this crowd standing here I’ve spoken so that they might believe that you sent me.”

^43-44 Then he shouted, “Lazarus, come out!” And he came out, a cadaver, wrapped from head to toe, and with a kerchief over his face.

Jesus told them, “Unwrap him and let him loose.”

 

How I Observe Lent

 

For years, rather than “giving up something for Lent,” I have prayed for a word or a phrase to focus on during Lent. The word(s) have surprised me sometimes. One year it was “Rejoice.” Another year it was “Play,” something I’m not very good at (still). The point of “giving up something” or doing something each day of Lent is to help us focus throughout each day on God when we reach for what we have “given up” or for me, how my Lenten phrase recalls my attention to what God is asking me to do.

 One year I started writing down the ways I observed my “victim identity” shaping my personality. That Lenten observance lasted for seven years of Lents and helped me to let go of many of them. I’m far less likely to fall into “victim thinking” now.

 This year’s phrase is “Let go.” I can think of many things I need to let go of, but I’m trying to take this one of the 40 days at a time and not “think my way through” to Easter (something I’m really good at but it leaves God out of the conversation. What do you think I need to let go of, God?)

 Today, I’m trying to let God help me let go of using this day in ways that are not good for me or for who I believe God is calling me to become. I have been saying for years that I have a lot of writing I want to do, so writing this blog and another writing project are my focus for what to do with my time today as I let go of doing nothing.

 There’s nothing inherently wrong with doing nothing, it’s sometimes how I am open to new insights and clarity about who I am, but I’ve done way too much of it lately. So today I’m letting go for this moment. I may need to let go of it several times today…letting go is harder than it sounds, and I can only do it with God’s help. I’ll be interested tomorrow to see what I need to let go of tomorrow, not trying to figure it out today.

     Do you do anything as a way of observing Lent? I’m interested to hear!

Now I Become Myself (May Sarton)

 

I've been on a  journey, you know, looking for who I am, what my priorities are.
Lately I've had a lot of time for recognizing who I am: child of God, created in the image and likeness of God (yes, even me!), and spiritual director, writer, blogger.  This poem speaks so clearly to me at this season!

Now I Become Myself by May Sarton

Now I become myself. It's taken
Time, many years and places;

I have been dissolved and shaken,
Worn other people's faces,
Run madly, as if Time were there,
Terribly old, crying a warning,
"Hurry, you will be dead before—"
(What? Before you reach the morning?
Or the end of the poem is clear?
Or love safe in the walled city?)
Now to stand still, to be here,
Feel my own weight and density!
The black shadow on the paper
Is my hand; the shadow of a word
As thought shapes the shaper
Falls heavy on the page, is heard.
All fuses now, falls into place
From wish to action, word to silence,
My work, my love, my time, my face
Gathered into one intense
Gesture of growing like a plant.
As slowly as the ripening fruit
Fertile, detached, and always spent,
Falls but does not exhaust the root,
So all the poem is, can give,
Grows in me to become the song,
Made so and rooted by love.
Now there is time and Time is young.
O, in this single hour I live
All of myself and do not move.
I, the pursued, who madly ran,
Stand still, stand still, and stop the sun!

Journey to Jerusalem through Lent 1

         Today we begin our journey through the 40 days of Lent. Many of us will receive and wear our ashes to remind us that we are mortal, and as a sign of our desire to follow Jesus all the way to Jerusalem and the cross. Jesus recognizes that it is time to start that journey:

When the days drew near for him to be taken up, he set his face to go to Jerusalem. (Luke 9:51)

        The disciples are also on this journey with us and with Jesus.  They have been following Jesus for the three years of his ministry, watching him heal, teach, and challenge the religious authorities of his day. He has told stories (parables), and he has shown his dependence on his Abba, God-the-Father, who sent him, God-the-Son, to show us new ways of understanding God’s tremendous love for us. Now, the disciples will walk with Jesus toward all that will happen in Jerusalem.  They don’t know what will happen, although we do.  And they still have a lot to learn from him, just as we do. Each Wednesday until Holy Week, I will post one of these reflections on how Jesus continued teaching along the journey to Jerusalem.

In the very next verses of Luke 9 (9:52-55), two of the disciples, James and John, angered because the Samaritans will not allow them to rest in their village, urge Jesus to call down fire from heaven to destroy the village. Clearly, they understand that Jesus has the power from God to do this; just as clearly, they don’t understand that is completely inconsistent with his mission.

Then, others wish to join Jesus and the disciples (Luke 57-62), but they have other priorities: desire to be comfortable and secure, to first bury a father, to say farewell to those he is about to leave. But Jesus makes it clear that following him must always take priority:  “Jesus said to him, ‘No one who puts a hand to the plow and looks back is fit for the kingdom of God.” (Luke 9:62)

For the most part, we will all be comfortable and secure during this Lent, and we will be able to fulfill our responsibilities to ourselves and others. But as we choose to observe Lent this year, may we be reminded of our commitment to follow Jesus by how we live our faith. If we have chosen a practice for Lent, whether we have chosen to deny ourselves something or to fast from some negative emotion (anger, complaining, resentment, or another) or to do some special reading or prayers, may we be reminded each day of our vocation as his committed followers.                                                                                                 

Prayer (by Satish Kumar): May God kindle in us the fire of love to bring us alive and give warmth to the world. Lead us from death to life; from falsehood to truth. Lead us from despair to hope, from fear to trust. Lead us from hate to love, from war to peace. Let peace fill our hearts, our world, our universe.

 

God's Playfulness (Celebrating Mardi Gras)

 

God’s Playfulness

        Have you ever thought there may be a playful side to God? As I watch some of the festivities for Mardi Gras, your playfulness and joy are delightful! I believe God is delighting in your joy, too. There is a lot of evidence in creation that God has a sense of humor! These are just a few of the insects that tell me so!

ADEGSM/Getty Images

                                   Shawn Thomas/Getty Images

Mardi Gras (“Fat Tuesday” in French) has become one of the most playful days of the Christian year. Lent has been and continues to be for some, 40 days of “giving up” something as way of reminding ourselves of our dependence on God. The day before Lent starts has become a day for extravagantly colorful playfulness. 

       God plays, too, with extravagant colors and combinations of creatures:

There is the sea, vast and wide, with its moving swarms past counting, living things great and small. The ships are moving there and the monsters you made to play with. (Ps 104:25-26, NABR)

        Children NEED to play to learn. But some of us feel that to please God as adults we must be serious all the time. Jesus says this:

²He called a child, whom he put among them, ³and said, ‘Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. ⁴Whoever becomes humble like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. (Matthew 18:2-4)

Humility is one of the keys to being like a little child, to relax enough to be silly, playful, open to delight as God has created us in His image and likeness.       “For the Lord takes pleasure in his people; he adorns the humble with victory.” (Psalm 149:4) There is no room for pride in play and laughter! So let’s play and laugh to the glory of God!

Prayer Suggestion: Beloved Lord, you created us with delight and the gifts of playfulness and humor. May we cherish and enjoy these gifts, especially on this “Fat Tuesday” as we celebrate playfulness.  Amen.

The Only Thing We Have to Fear is Fear Itself Devotional Thursday 3/26/20

        Many of you at St. Mary’s Woods may remember this line from FDR’s first Inaugural Address.  I woke up with this line in my head this morning, and I spent some time talking with God about things I am sometimes more afraid of than fear.  We do have reasons to be fearful in these days, I will not deny it.  But (you knew I would say “but,” didn’t you?) something I have learned about fear and anxiety in my spiritual journey is that I ALWAYS have a choice to make when I feel fear.

        “Do not be afraid” occurs more times in the Bible than anything else except “God is love.” So many people in the Bible respond initially with great fear to the appearance of an angel, so God knows that we will feel fear.  But we can choose to focus on the fear, or we can choose to turn our attention toward our Lord who loves us with such great love that Jesus our Savior went all the way through suffering and death to overcome our fears and forgive our sins.  When we are feeling stuck or helpless or afraid of what may happen, turn toward God and God’s “perfect love will cast out our fear.” (1 John 4:18a) It may not be instant, we may have to keep turning toward God, but God will cleanse us of our fears. And that will be a gift from God, and through it God will reduce the effects of fear on our body and our mind and our spirit.

Nancy Waldo, St. Mary’s Woods

2 Timothy 1:6-7 For this reason I remind you to rekindle the gift of God that is within you… for God did not give us a spirit of cowardice, but rather a spirit of power and of love and of self-discipline.

Luke 12:22, 25-26 [Jesus] said to his disciples, ‘Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat, or about your body, what you will wear. … And can any of you by worrying add a single hour to your span of life? If then you are not able to do so small a thing as that, why do you worry about the rest?

Prayer Suggestion: As you continue to pray for protection and health for yourself and your family members, add a prayer today for God to ease the fears of so many people who may not know that they have a choice to turn away from fear toward God.

I Wonder What God is Doing with Us in This Time Devotional Wednesday 3/25/20

        I am getting very curious about all the ways that God is with us and working in us and in our world during these difficult days.  We know that God is with us, God is suffering with us, and I believe that God is working all over the world. 

        I’ve seen some good news about ways that people are helping one another. A lot of companies are working to find treatments and cures, while other companies are changing what they make.  Fashion companies are making protective gear for health care workers, distilleries are making hand sanitizer.  People are finding many ways to help one another get what they need. Teachers are learning new ways to educate their students.  Many people are learning new ways to live at a distance and still be happy. 

        None of this means that this is not hard, or that it will stop being hard soon.  But I do need to hear good news even on days when there is a lot of hard news. So I give God thanks and praise for many blessings, even some we don’t know about yet.  I believe we will look back on this time and see how God is healing, creating, and blessing us.

Nancy Waldo, St. Mary’s Woods

Prayer of Thomas Merton: My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this, you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it. Therefore will I trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone. Amen. 

Prayer Suggestion: As you continue to pray for protection and health for yourself and your family members, add a prayer today for those who are unable to understand what is happening, like young children and people with intellectual disabilities and people who do not understand English.